Aloha, fellow travelers or what have you. This not-so-super Tuesday, Tim Binnall and I reunite for a special live Election Night Edition of The Good Parade. In honor of that–and to the great relief of everyone on Facebook–I will not be posting anything of a political nature until then. But then the gloves come off. If you’re an international listener or just someone who doesn’t follow American politics, I will explain to you how this happened. Trump. Hillary. The history of everything according to me. It only seems confusing now because we’re a nation of selfish dummies and cowards. (Yes, you too, liberals.)
So that, plus comedy. In fact, mostly comedy because what’s the end of society as we know it without laughter?
Oh, it’s a call-in show, too. Trump voters, please: Do us a favor and shoot yourselves–I mean call in. Won’t you please call in? Thank you.
Here comes the link that will go live at 8:30pm (EST) on said date. Hope to see you there, hurt your feelings, and sever our ties for good. Nay… for The Good Parade.
Two weeks ago you made me an Amazon best-selling author for I Know Why The Aliens Don’t land! Last weekend, you did it again for my book Urgency. And for that I sincerely thank you below. But don’t stop now. This weekend we’re going for the triple crown with my horror/fantasy novel, Into The End. At just $2.99 on the Kindle, what do you have to lose? (Well… three dollars, sure… but besides that?)
Into The End: get ready. Be riveted. This is a story like no other.
Last weekend, with the aid of the UK, I became an international Amazon best-selling UFO author for I Know Why The Aliens Don’t Land!, which is what I now demand to be called whenever I’m on a show. Or maybe “Superstar.” Perhaps “Underground Cult Sensation.” I haven’t decided. But I will demand something once I decide. For that you were rewarded–yes, that is the right word, rewarded–with the public thank you ufology deserves. Furthermore, you won me getting off my butt and writing that long-overdue sequel. See you in 2016.
This weekend, I took another bold step in the direction of becoming the thing I hate when you made Urgency. an Amazon best-seller in New Age Mysticism. Good for you! Good for all of us! But you know what, the UK? You’re slacking. For it is, as of this writing, not an international best-seller. Get off your asses for fucksake. Enlightenment is just a click away! Still… for that I shall reward you with yet another acceptance speech. No sequel, but I’ll think about starting a cult. I do live in Hawaii. It’s perfect weather for culting.
Let’s keep it going. This one is going to be a tougher nut to crack because it involves book categories that people actually read. I’m talking Horror novels and Post-Apocalyptic literature. I’m talking about Into The End. Make Into The End a top 100 best-seller in either of these categories by next weekend and I shall reward you with another comedy roast speech. Crack the top 50 in horror and I will also turn it into a trilogy.