Is It Time To Kickstart Mrs. Steinberg’s Puckered Starfish?

Friends, I come to you as a man of peace. In the past I have questioned Gene Steinberg’s integrity as an entity in the ufo field and as a man in… you know… life. But no more. I recognize a person in genuine need when I see one and Gene is such a person. Rather, Gene’s wife is such a person. Rather, Gene’s wife’s bloody asshole is such a… person? Sure. Person.

Before you stop reading to write me your hate mail, allow me to allow Gene to explain in all his exclamation mark glory. In “An Important Message From Gene Steinberg!” dated 09/21/2016 titled, “Barbara Continues To Suffer!” we read:

In the past couple of weeks, Barbara has spent an increasing amount of time in the bathroom, suffering. Her colorectal condition (not cancerous) appears to have grown worse. She has an appointment with a specialist in early October ahead of needed surgery.

But in order to have that surgery, I have to make sure her coverage, with United Healthcare (via the Obamacare exchange) is current. That’s before the copays that can get expensive, way beyond that I can afford.

Now I couldn’t have gotten this far without the generous assistance of my readers and listeners. I will never forget your generosity.

If you can help me further to get over this hump, please do what you can.

It’s truly heartbreaking. Here is a man who just barely raised enough money from fans to pay his bills, move to a new home, and pay the cleaning fees. Now, while he continues to work on working on boosting cash flow (a work in progress), the buttocks of his lovely wife is set to explode.

Well not on my watch or your dime, folks.

Gene, if you’re reading this–please stop taking people’s money. Not because it looks like  you’re a fraud. Not because it looks like you’re addicted. Not because you’re no better than Greer or Bassett. Not because it’s fucking disgusting that any man would shame his wife this way and part of me suspects the only reason you’re doing this is to bait me so you can tell people what a malicious bastard I am for writing this and gain more sympathy coin that way, in which case I deserve a cut and will gladly provide my paypal info if you email me. Not even because in a plea titled, “The Landlord’s Warning!” dated June 24, 2014, you wrote:

Despite making some progress with back rent in the past couple of weeks, the landlord is becoming more insistent. He sent me this text message on my mobile phone the other day: ‘I need to get another payment soon. Your balance is $1589 dollars.’

This includes two months rent and various late/legal charges, so you can see my rent is relatively cheap. By ‘soon,’ he told me days not weeks, and he still reserves the right to send the sheriff to have me ejected at any time.

I still owe back payments for insurance, utilities and so on and so-forth. I’ve paid some of it, but I owe a lot, still, which explains the sleepless nights.

As I said, I have [been] working very hard to get out from under this financial mess and build a reliable income, and maybe get a little retirement income before it’s too late. I have more ad deals pending for the radio shows, and am working to get payments as soon as I can. There are long-range plans, too, so I’m not sitting still.

But I need to get past the current crisis, so if you can possibly help me out again, I hope you’ll consider doing so as soon as possible.”

–and then 2 months later (08/25/2014 to be exact) were caught in  the Optima forum bragging, “I have a 2014 Optima EX with Premium package. I didn’t bother [with] the Technology package, with [the] navigation system and other options, not just because of the expense. My iPhone 5s is a perfectly good navigation tool when I need one.”

No, not because of any of your deplorable acts. Stop taking people’s money because I am going to help your wife. Anyone who has watched No One’s Watching: An Alien Abductee’s Story (which, granted, is no one) has one general takeaway from the film: I’ve got a large ass. A large, nearly hairless white ass. Ass enough for two people. Ass enough for your wife, Gene. And giving her the benefit of the doubt, hairless enough.

That’s right, if she (or you on her behalf) accept my offer–and if it’s a legal surgery in the States or Mexico–I would like to donate a piece of my winking wormhole to heal your wife’s shit-eating frown.

I don’t know if it’s covered under Obamacare, but we can work out those finer details. I have a healthy, overly ripe, plump buttocks for the taking. If she needs ass, I’ve got ass. Gene, I am here to help. Do not let this opportunity pass her by. Or you could get a job ripping tickets at your local movie theater and buy her some Preparation H. Your call. Either way, know that while you’re full of shit it’s your wife who is suffering. And I am here to help.