I had a free aura healing last month at a nearby clairvoyant center. I go into depth about this craptastic half hour on the next Good Parade podcast, so I won’t reiterate here except to give the conclusion: nothing happened.
But let’s forget that nothing happened a moment and give them the benefit of the doubt. They’re psychics working with spirit guides invisible to the naked eye. Crazier things have turned out to be true in my life so okay–I’m down with saying that could be. And psychic ability is real. Predicting the future, yada yada–let’s go with it. All real. Now, the question is… so what? Because here’s the thing: I bumped into the woman who runs the clairvoyant center today–the head vampire, if you will–and after some pleasantries, asked her what I thought was a fantastic, if obvious, question: “Why don’t you form a Justice League with psychics around the world and tell us if something great or something terrible is headed our way?”
I mean, right?
She kinda scoffed under her breath, unsure if I was joking. Not only was I serious, I was unrelenting. Feeling her interest in me as a human wane, never mind this conversation, I followed with, “No, I mean if psychics are seeing the future, you must have a universal vision of what’s coming, right? Good or bad. So, why not have a meeting, like a convention, and see if you have a consensus on what it is–and if we’re headed for danger you could hold a press conference and warn the world.”
More ironic skepticism on her end chased away with, “No, I’m serious! If the Raelians can hold a press conference and have the media pay attention to their findings, why can’t psychics?”
That didn’t win her back. Onward I forged, unembarrassed: “Do you already have something like a global psychic conference or a gathering where you compare notes?”
No, she says, it doesn’t work that way. Psychic ability doesn’t work that way. it’s complicated.
“But indigenous elders from various peoples around the world meet and agree that reality is unfolding according to the ancestors’ plans–Why can they do that and you can’t?”
Honestly? I don’t know what got into me. Maybe it was the aura cleansing not working and them trying to sell me on paying for lectures and workshops anyway. Paying for something when I have no evidence that what they’re selling works and firsthand experience that it does not.
Head Vampire rolled her eyes. She wanted to be anywhere but here, including in sunlight. I’m shocked that she had never been asked these questions before. Or thought of them. So I decided to help with a suggestion: “Well, I think a Justice League is a great idea. I think that your next project should be to unionize psychics from around the world. Bring them together and share the info to see if there’s agreement where we’re headed.”
“No thanks. I’ve got enough on my plate,” she said, and then said goodbye.
Over the course of the next few hours I told 3 people this story. One, a psychic, the other two, not so much. Here’s how their answers broke down:
NON-PSYCHIC FEMALE: It doesn’t work that way. It’s complicated. Not every psychic “reads” the same way so there can’t be consensus on what they’re seeing.
When I mention the indigenous meetings…. Oh. I dunno.
And then she walks away like I’m diseased. Amazing how much the lead psychic and the non-psychic have in common, temperament-wise, when it comes to explaining elementary answers to a child,
NON-PSYCHIC MALE: You don’t need a psychic to tell you where we’re heading.
“Just use your eyes, so to speak,” I clarify. Exactly.
This makes sense, but it doesn’t answer why people who claim to see the future don’t share data.
PSYCHIC FEMALE: Because it doesn’t work that way. It’s complicated.
“What’s complicated,” I ask, expecting there to be no serious followup. I think ‘It’s complicated’ is supposed to be the end of the matter. There is no reason why, so don’t ask. But actually, what she said next made the most sense….
Because psychics don’t all see the same way and they don’t all have the same strength or ability. You don’t even know who’s psychic and who isn’t. Some people are really bad at it and some people are lying. Some people can’t tell the difference between reading from a psychic place, reading from the ego, or reading from doubt. You don’t know how much is their personal projection and how much is them really picking up on something in you. There are psychics who say bigfoot exists, some say absolutely not. Some say bigfoot is an alien, some say human–you can’t even get them to agree on that. They don’t all see the same things, so what does that tell you?
It tells me that psychics are fucking useless creatures.
I ask about the indigenous meet-ups. Why can they come to agreements and not psychics?
Oh, I don’t know about that.
So here’s my conclusion on reading the future. Like everything else in the paranormal world, to us Westernized minds, this ability either exists or it doesn’t. If you say it doesn’t, you’re done here. If you think it does then it’s up to your subjective intuition and so forth as to who is legit, who isn’t, and all that. You have to taste test everything and feel your way around–there is no standardized, universal, repeatable test that can prove anything. You’re on your own and you’ll likely go with whatever speaks to you, personally, which is a trap because what speaks to you is what compliments you and you’re as full of shit as anyone.
So why, oh why, does anyone need a psychic?
We don’t. We need them to grow up and we need to grow up because I think what this really points to is our lack of understanding and discipline–including psychics. It’s another case of indigenous people live something (or live with the knowledge from disciplined exploration of something) that we find rare, spectacular, and mesmerizing.
When we have a glimpse of the nonlinear we think we’re special or we seek to profit from it. We want it to be unique to us, even the psychic authors who make a living proclaiming everyone has a psychic gift to some extent. Meanwhile, people who never broke their connection with Mother Earth–with Life–can have the type of meetings I’m talking about because they’re older than us. They’re all grown up and have been dialoguing like this for longer than our version of history allows. Unbeknownst to us, we’re these savage kids in our terrible twos congregating at the children’s table. We think that because we observe with the eye and jot down our impressions in a written language that somehow we’re the adults in the room. N-no. NO.
We put on airs; they live it. We write blog posts about “us and them” while they shrug and carry on doing the work of Life. It doesn’t matter if I blog about what we lack or they lack; if I write a racist rant or a romanticized tale of the noble savage–they carry on doing the work of Life. They are the stability to our volatility.
Clairvoyant people don’t need clairvoyant centers. Real healers don’t charge you to be stared at. Prophets for profits is a sign of the system and the system is predictable. so who needs ’em, anyway? If there is a billboard for the future it reads: “If we’re still us by the time we get here, we’re all dead.”
Thankfully billboard signs only apply to those invested in the written Word. Someone’s got to survive us.
NOTE: I meant to only write a light humor piece about the conversation with the psychic. Interesting what it became.